Assuming then that they're able to sort out directions and addresses, there will soon be a knock-knock at the door. She's tall, lean, purple, and carrying an honest to goodness (...or something) wizard's staff.
It takes a long time for Wade to reach the door. He's not really left his bed or the couch much in the last few days. It takes a great deal of effort to haul his carcass to the door and then actually open the door with fingers that don't seem to want to work right.
He's looking like death walking. The scars after always there, on every inch of his body from the head downward. But beyond that, his eyes are sunken and skin clammy.
"It's that a staff? That's... so cool. [He'd be more exuberantly enthusiastic if it weren't taking everything he had to stay on his feet.]
"It is a staff, and there's even a dirty song about the knob on a wizard's staff I can teach you." She moves in to help him stand and, presumably hobble back to wherever he's settled himself. "Rumour has it that there's a knob on the end that all the young ladies adore."
Lu doesn't seem even slightly put out or surprised by his scarring. It's unusual, to be sure, but she's from a time with all manner of common and magical skin conditions. Strange looking, but without anything weeping fluid (...ugh), she won't balk at moving him as needed.
"Yes, absolutely teach me this dirty song. Once I'm better I'll sing it at every given opportunity." He's grateful when she moves in to help before much longer standing on his own he might have crumpled to the floor. He starts moving toward the couch since it's closer than the bed.
There's no puss or fluid, she'll be relieved to see. Wade's not quite as horrifying as comic!Deadpool is sometimes drawn luckily. He's only movie ugly.
"I know several. Each one worst than the last." She angles him towards the sofa and helps settle him in place before going to fetch a chair so she can sit by his side. "Wait until I get to 'Frigging in the Rigging' or 'The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered'."
"Now, as for what I can do. I can't heal you, but I can loan you something that will stop your ability to feel pain. Other senses might be a bit dulled, and you'll need to be careful because you won't feel any injuries." She's going to give him a list of written instructions once the spell is complete, but for now she'll just get to work. From a kitbag at her side, she pulls out a dark, semi-translucent stone and a bit of twine. While she talks, she braids the string into a little pouch and a neck strap. "If you brake or lose this, I will come find you, and take one of your balls to make a new one. Clear, darling?"
To feel no pain. Something colors his expression a moment. That had been one of Francis' mutant abilities. Fucking bastard. It's not a luxury Wade's ever had.
"Even before the city decided to slap this power dampener on me, I've always been in pain. Never a moment I wasn't..." The idea of it being gone for the duration of this spell is both a thrilling prospect and terrifying. It's been a constant companion, he might feel empty without it.
For a moment he's not sure he'd heard her right, "Was that just a threat, or is this whatever it is that you're making actually made out of someone's balls?"
Who the fuck had Scott just sent his way? And why was he turned on!?
"Why not both?" A threat and made from a testicle; not that she'd take both balls. Once she's content with her macrame skills, she speaks a little smidge of something magical and the stone shifts colour from murky grey, to a cloudy, pale blue.
"There. I'll need to rededicate it to you every couple days, but so long as it's touching skin, it should work." The thing looks quite simple as it rests in the palm of her hand. "Take it."
"Wouldn't be the first time I've lost one. Or both. So who was the poor unfortunate soul that gave you this ball?" Threats of injury never really did much to dissuade him, although that was when his powers were actually working.
He stares at the stone-turned necklace a moment before reaching out to take it and set it around his neck, waiting for the effects to take hold. When it starts, Wade can't help but gasp as the pain starts to lift. He's not going to acknowledge them, but tears do start to form in the corner of his eyes.
"A friend's ex." She might be telling the truth! Or not. Hard to tell, but either way, she's smiling and doing some sort of magical equivalent to checking his ~aura~ or whatever. Once she's satisfied that her magic isn't going to turn him into an ugly pile of semi-sentient goo, she moves on to check his pulse and breathing.
"I had some fun with him first. I may be a moral deviant, but I am not a fan of that sort of screaming during the act."
"Looks and wit. Aren't you the full package?" Well, the full package so long as he doesn't lose her transmuter's stone.
Brushing past his questions, she has one of her own: "Do you feel up to having something to eat or drink? Given your state, I don't suggest you try anything too exciting, but I can't be trusted to cook anything fancy. I can manage some tea and toast. I'll even cut it into shapes if you want."
"I'm full of something at least." Wade opens his eyes again and sits up. "So not my usual diet of pizza, tacos, burritos, ice cream, and poptarts, then?"
Yes, Wade has a diet like a teenage boy.
"Tea and toast are fine... and cut them into dicks. And put from Mallowfluff at the tips. Obviously."
She gently pats his hand, before standing to go to the kitchen. "You'll have to teach me what most of those are."
There's some quiet rattling about as she makes tea and toast. In part, she does it so he'll eat, but also to give him a little more time to process. She's known more than one wizard who took up the job as a way to stave off their own pain. Once the food is ready, she returns to the sitting room and offers a plate with an assortment of dick-shaped toast points. Did she use magic to get them into the right shapes?
Damn right.
"Hope you don't mind that I got a little creative. I find that this city focuses a bit too much on human cocks. No love for those of us packing anything else." She smiles, showing off her neat, white teeth and promptly bites the head off the most human-looking piece.
"What? You don't know what most of those are? Fuck me. Where are you from? So I know to never go there." It sounded TERRIBLE.
He stays where he's at on the couch while she makes the tea and toast, mostly relishing the feel of a pain-free existence. It's fucking phenomenal. God, if he felt no pain and had his healing? That would be a recipe for disaster!
When she comes back he takes a look at the cock toast spread. So many different sizes and shapes! Then she bites the human one and he can't help but wince, but also his dick does stir. He's an odd one, okay? Wade grabs one that looks like a corkscrew.
"Some impressive knife work on this toast." He slowly lowers it into his mouth, tongue flicking at the tip before he slides it down his throat.
"What can I say, I'm good with both knives and pricks." She laughs and there's a funny sort of not-purr rattle at the end of it. "And I'm from the great Rift City, Yesh-me Ayin, and no one here seems to know it. We might not have those foods you mentioned, but we have plenty of our own."
"I'm going to assume that at least one of the things you mentioned is some sort of dumpling or hand-pie. Never found a culture that didn't have those."
"Fuck. You tryin' to turn me on? Because it's working." He finishes eating his piece of toast and brushes off his hands, before reaching for a cup of tea. He's not much of a tea drinker, but any kind of liquid sounded like heaven right now with how dry his throat was.
"Pizza... is a hand-pie I guess? It's the crust, tomato sauce, cheese, and topped with whatever. My favorite is olive and pineapple."
"If I was really putting in the effort, you wouldn't be left wondering." She looks pleased with herself before gently patting his arm. A little condescending? Maybe mean? Perhaps, but in a playful way.
People being mean to him is one of his favorite pastimes... and possibly kinks too, honestly.
"So you're the forward type? I like that." It would save him the trouble of picking apart every word and action and assuming it meant something perhaps it didn't. He's not always the best at reading signals.
"It is lovely. And greasy. And vastly unhealthy, but I don't care."
"Quite forward. For all this city has wrong, they put me into the right group." Illumination genuinely enjoys being a (semi)mean Dominant. "For example, when you're feeling up to it, I'd like to have you eat me out."
"Well, I would like to have you have me eat you out. So... win-win!"
Wade glances down at the makeshift necklace, "You think I'd be okay to do that while this is still going on? I feel fucking fantastic right now, but as far as exertions go... it may be pushing the limits. Not that I'm opposed, because if it does me in-- what a way to go!"
"Let's wait until your stamina is a little better, hmm? As much as I enjoy getting off, I'd rather not have to explain that the power of my parts is what killed you." She pauses, looking suitably thoughtful as she nibbles on a piece of toast. "If I really did need it, I suppose I could always get myself off while you watched."
"What a hell of a story that would be though." Wade laughs as he leans forward for another toast dick. He starts eating it from the ball side up this time. Her suggestion puts a light into his eyes.
"Uh... yeah. I do think that. I need that thing boosted so hard. Like, I didn't want to say anything but I'm just really down in the dumps, so clearly you can help me with that."
no subject
and as far as taking my pain goes, yes, absolutely come do that.
↪ action.
no subject
He's looking like death walking. The scars after always there, on every inch of his body from the head downward. But beyond that, his eyes are sunken and skin clammy.
"It's that a staff? That's... so cool. [He'd be more exuberantly enthusiastic if it weren't taking everything he had to stay on his feet.]
no subject
Lu doesn't seem even slightly put out or surprised by his scarring. It's unusual, to be sure, but she's from a time with all manner of common and magical skin conditions. Strange looking, but without anything weeping fluid (...ugh), she won't balk at moving him as needed.
no subject
There's no puss or fluid, she'll be relieved to see. Wade's not quite as horrifying as comic!Deadpool is sometimes drawn luckily. He's only movie ugly.
no subject
"Now, as for what I can do. I can't heal you, but I can loan you something that will stop your ability to feel pain. Other senses might be a bit dulled, and you'll need to be careful because you won't feel any injuries." She's going to give him a list of written instructions once the spell is complete, but for now she'll just get to work. From a kitbag at her side, she pulls out a dark, semi-translucent stone and a bit of twine. While she talks, she braids the string into a little pouch and a neck strap. "If you brake or lose this, I will come find you, and take one of your balls to make a new one. Clear, darling?"
no subject
"Even before the city decided to slap this power dampener on me, I've always been in pain. Never a moment I wasn't..." The idea of it being gone for the duration of this spell is both a thrilling prospect and terrifying. It's been a constant companion, he might feel empty without it.
For a moment he's not sure he'd heard her right, "Was that just a threat, or is this whatever it is that you're making actually made out of someone's balls?"
Who the fuck had Scott just sent his way? And why was he turned on!?
no subject
"There. I'll need to rededicate it to you every couple days, but so long as it's touching skin, it should work." The thing looks quite simple as it rests in the palm of her hand. "Take it."
no subject
He stares at the stone-turned necklace a moment before reaching out to take it and set it around his neck, waiting for the effects to take hold. When it starts, Wade can't help but gasp as the pain starts to lift. He's not going to acknowledge them, but tears do start to form in the corner of his eyes.
no subject
"I had some fun with him first. I may be a moral deviant, but I am not a fan of that sort of screaming during the act."
no subject
What he's feeling is so strange. Nothing. It's amazing, honestly. Even if he'd nearly forgotten what it felt like.
no subject
Brushing past his questions, she has one of her own: "Do you feel up to having something to eat or drink? Given your state, I don't suggest you try anything too exciting, but I can't be trusted to cook anything fancy. I can manage some tea and toast. I'll even cut it into shapes if you want."
no subject
Yes, Wade has a diet like a teenage boy.
"Tea and toast are fine... and cut them into dicks. And put from Mallowfluff at the tips. Obviously."
no subject
There's some quiet rattling about as she makes tea and toast. In part, she does it so he'll eat, but also to give him a little more time to process. She's known more than one wizard who took up the job as a way to stave off their own pain. Once the food is ready, she returns to the sitting room and offers a plate with an assortment of dick-shaped toast points. Did she use magic to get them into the right shapes?
Damn right.
"Hope you don't mind that I got a little creative. I find that this city focuses a bit too much on human cocks. No love for those of us packing anything else." She smiles, showing off her neat, white teeth and promptly bites the head off the most human-looking piece.
no subject
He stays where he's at on the couch while she makes the tea and toast, mostly relishing the feel of a pain-free existence. It's fucking phenomenal. God, if he felt no pain and had his healing? That would be a recipe for disaster!
When she comes back he takes a look at the cock toast spread. So many different sizes and shapes! Then she bites the human one and he can't help but wince, but also his dick does stir. He's an odd one, okay? Wade grabs one that looks like a corkscrew.
"Some impressive knife work on this toast." He slowly lowers it into his mouth, tongue flicking at the tip before he slides it down his throat.
no subject
"I'm going to assume that at least one of the things you mentioned is some sort of dumpling or hand-pie. Never found a culture that didn't have those."
no subject
"Pizza... is a hand-pie I guess? It's the crust, tomato sauce, cheese, and topped with whatever. My favorite is olive and pineapple."
no subject
"Like a sort of flatbread. Lovely."
no subject
"So you're the forward type? I like that." It would save him the trouble of picking apart every word and action and assuming it meant something perhaps it didn't. He's not always the best at reading signals.
"It is lovely. And greasy. And vastly unhealthy, but I don't care."
no subject
Hey, it's healthier than a pizza.
no subject
"Well, I would like to have you have me eat you out. So... win-win!"
Wade glances down at the makeshift necklace, "You think I'd be okay to do that while this is still going on? I feel fucking fantastic right now, but as far as exertions go... it may be pushing the limits. Not that I'm opposed, because if it does me in-- what a way to go!"
no subject
no subject
"And do you really need it?"
Please say yes!
no subject
As she waits for him to answer, she is already getting a little more comfortable on her chair, opening the top button of her trousers.
no subject
Is he rambling? You're rambling!
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
cw: suicidal ideation
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)