fourthwalled | Etraya IC Inbox

( it hasn’t been easy, since coming back. in true summers fashion, he hides himself away from everyone around him in an attempt to power through it all on his own. so much like his father in ways he can’t even agree or disagree to without having ever known the man personally. fleeting, like so many in his life seem to be. like his own life apparently is meant to be.

he’s had nightmares — shook the walls of the bedroom a few times before finally waking, never wanting to talk about it and instead, just close his eyes tight and force his mind to latch onto something warm and kind and not bitter cold as he’s felt since returning to etraya. since returning to the land of the living. he needs time — doesn’t know how much and doesn’t know how to process it all still. then there’s verity… still with him albeit quiet save for moments when it’s simply the two of them. he hasn’t told anyone they followed him here — that they’re still embedded inside his very soul. a conversation he doesn’t know how to have.

but, over the weeks, save for mission shenanigans, he’s been getting…. better. slowly. it helps to have wade and mary puppins here with him. he’d been hesitant — worried of what might happen when around others and if verity might accidentally bleed through or he himself might just suddenly crash out in frustration with everything he’s feeling and can’t even begin to articulate. but it’s… been ok. so far. minus the nightmares. it has him wondering if maybe coming around is something he can do… or if he should stick to just keeping a telepathic eye on everyone and only come around when he’s needed. he’s never been one for teams. never stays long with them and hope and cable and julian all left unexpectedly.

he mulls over that there in the kitchen, standing in front of the instant coffee maker while he waits for it to finish and when it does, he stares down to the mug and how… muddy it seems. is that… how coffee looks made from these things? he has no idea, but. he takes it over to wade there and holds it out innocently enough if not a little skeptical. )

I tried making you coffee? I think.

( he’s never used a coffee machine before but it… seemed easy enough?? )

[Wade doesn't understand what Nate is going through-- knows he's struggling with everything that happened. There's so much that he doesn't say and Wade doesn't push. There's so much that Wade doesn't cope to either, the perpetually broken parts of himself that he covers up with jokes. He is simply grateful for Nate's company and that he wants him around at all.

He'll take this little slice of life fantasy for as long as he can get it and for as long as Nate needs it. Mary Puppins is laid down on the ground at his feet in full sploot with back legs out and tongue flopped out of her mouth on the ground beside her. Wade's got a newspaper in hand, reading like it's a typical morning in suburbia. It's some random newspaper that's apparently been brought here by Aurora, or fallen through the cracks of the multiverse, who knows. But it's got Calvin & Hobbes, and that's the important thing!

Taking the coffee-- Wade takes a sip and then stops, coughing but trying to cover it up.] It's interesting. Very crunchy. [Coffee isn't supposed to be crunchy, in case Nate's wondering.] Did you remember to put in the filter before running it?

( the look he gives is enough to show that, no. he hadn’t put a filter in. well. that explains that? )

A filter?

( rubbing at the back of his neck, he tilts his head some in thought before he glances back towards the kitchen for a moment. )

Uh… no. I just put the coffee in and pushed the button.

( and thus, grind water was brewed but hey. at least an effort was made? also, he knows for next time now. that is, if he ever goes and decides to try and make coffee again. and here he thought it was all just the push of a button. )

I’m guessing that’s not right, huh?

[The thought definitely counts for something! And Wade is still drinking it, regardless of the crunchy additions.] Not right, no. Or maybe you've just discovered a new method? Maybe in a few years, some pretentious fucks will be turning their nose up at the uncouth idiots who'd drink filtered coffee. Paw! [He sips his coffee with an added lifted pinky for effect.]

( rubbing at his neck still, he sucks in a breath, sheepish expression there on his face. )

Sorry. I'll try and get it right next time. I mean... if you even want coffee next time.

( because he wouldn't blame him if he didn't after this.

still, puff of breath leaving him, he reaches down to give mary puppins there a few scritches before he's making his way over to sit there next to the other mutant, pulling a pillow into his lap to wrap his arms around, knee up. )

Guess I shouldn't try my hand at dinner sometime, huh?

Hey! Hey! You think I've never fucked up a coffee before? I've fucked up loads of 'em. Don't even worry about it! Practice makes perfect, eh? I'll drink as many shitty coffees as it takes!

[He grins at him. Is this being helpful? Wade's trying to reassure him, but it might be doing the opposite. That's usually how it goes with him.]

And don't even get me started on how many dinners I've burned. If you try dinner, and it doesn't work, we can just get pizza after. Experiment on me as much as you like!

( at that, he can't help but raise a brow some because... )

You're planning to have me cook for you sometime?

That would imply that I plan pretty much anything at all. [Wade is just 100% always flying by the seat of his pants.] But... I mean, I wouldn't say no?

Or, I could cook for you? Pancakes, burgers, hot dogs. All of your highest cholesterol, artery-clogging foods. [Healthy eating had never been Wade's highest concern, even when he didn't have a healing factor.]

Now why would you want to cook for me?

( it's not a dismissal. more a genuine and ever-so-gently playful curiosity as he tilts his head some while staring to the other man there, ignoring the way his bangs fall in front of his face a little as he does. )

Why not? To show you how much I care?

And that I'm more than just a pretty face? [Wade offers, still sipping the coffee despite the grounds that get stuck between his teeth.]

Because you love me. Right?

( he turns to face the other mutant as he asks that. cants his head a little curiously while still holding to that pillow. it’s still something he’s been carrying with him since wade said it and he’s… still not so sure it’s actually real and for him.

no one’s ever loved him before. why would they now? )

[Wade sets down his coffee to move closer, eyes softening, searching.] Yes. Because I love you...

[There's a slight pang of concern and hurt.] Do you think I don't, Nate?

It’s not that. I can feel it. Telepath, remember?

( and it’s always stupid to try and lie or hide something from a telepath. even with a messed up mind like wade’s, he can still feel it from him. a glance down, he picks at the pillow he holds there against his chest. )

It’s just hard sometimes because I… don’t know if I’m actually feeling it or my mind is telling me I’m wanting it. Ever since coming back things are just… difficult to make sense of. I don’t know if I always trust myself. Like I’m second guessing everything. What I say, what I do, what I don’t, what I feel. I don’t always know if it’s right or enough. Especially after what happened. When I was being influenced.

( looking up to wade, he frowns. )

I suck at making coffee and talking, huh?

[Coffee set aside, Wade moves in, hand falling over Nate's against the pillow.]

I don't trust myself, either. For different reasons. But... I don't think we're alone in that. Everyone's a little fucked up in the head, and most people don't know what they're doing. Some are just a little more messed up than others. But all you can do is try to figure it out.

[He squeezes Nate's hand.] Is there another telepath who can help you sort out what's going on in your head? Or are you not ready to let someone all up in there?

No.

( to both, he means. but wade is there, holding his hand on the pillow and nate leans in to gently bump his brow to the other man’s, blue eyes falling shut as he stays like that with him. )

I just need you here.

( and at that, eyes flutter open for just a heartbeat of a moment, and then he kisses him. sweet and soft and gently desperate to feel needed and wanted and… loved. )

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